were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
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