Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
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