Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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