It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
