...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Dicks are not precious.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Randomize
