you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Will exercising make me less horny?
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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