bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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