Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
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