Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Randomize