I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
