3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
wow bdsm is so cute
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
