I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Randomize
