I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
