I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Randomize
