I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
