His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
