I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
