You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
