I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
