Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
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