Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
