Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
