Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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