you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Randomize
