i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
