I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I can't turn off my feet"
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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