all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
