Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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