What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
