I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
