Ambien. No doubt about it.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
