so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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