Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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