how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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