Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
did i just pee glitter
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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