i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
