your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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