I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
You are a genius and a whore.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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