I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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