Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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