dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
