Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
