There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
