By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Randomize
