I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
