totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Randomize
