I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
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