you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
