I just saw a hot homeless man
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
