if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize