I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
