Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
