At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
