Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize