Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
