when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Randomize
