Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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