She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Two words: blizzard sex
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Randomize
