I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
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