If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Randomize
