I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
