whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize