This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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