my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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