Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
