Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
