I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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