wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
