do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Randomize
