So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
