420 ftw
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
