you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
