no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I would fuck him just for his dog
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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