maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize
