she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
