Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
