My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
