I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Randomize
