So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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