why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
