she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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