she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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