Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
