New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
