Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
