Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I have grass duct taped all over my body
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
