I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
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i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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