Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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