I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
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