please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
