its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Randomize
