Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
