You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
