youre lurking in front of me
i think i have herpe
just one?
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Randomize
