Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
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