Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
