I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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