i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
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