I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize