Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
