I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Randomize
