I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
why do cheetos always look like penises
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Randomize
